“Helpful” Others & Self-Help
Posted By Lonesome Loser on December 28, 2008
Things people will tell you, none of which are particularly helpful:
- You’ll get over it.
- Just be happy you feel this way about someone, even if they don’t feel the same.
- Obviously, you’re too neurotic/immature to fall for someone who is actually available to you.
- It’s just _____ {insert any of the following words or phrases here: a crush, puppy love, sexual attraction, lust, infatuation, being smitten}.
- This will prepare you for real love when it happens.
- Be happy {loved one} thinks you are a nice person.
- Be happy {loved one} is flattered.
- Now you know how I feel!
- I just can’t hear any more about {loved one} right now.
- Aren’t you over him/her yet?
- Just move on.
- For God’s sake, don’t spend any more time around {loved one}, it only makes it worse!
- Get out and date, find someone else.
- Plenty of fish in the sea.
Things you might do or tell yourself that might be somewhat helpful:
- You’re not crazy, romantic love causes (temporary) brain changes similar to addiction or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
- Get fresh air, sunshine, and exercise daily, or as much as possible. This will help re-normalize the chemicals in your brain.
- Spend time with friends and family even if you don’t feel like it.
- Talk about your feelings, spread the talk around to your family and friends so no one person hears “too much” of it.
- Identify good feelings or outcomes you might have from this experience (e.g., feeling more alive, understanding yourself and your own feelings better, making significant changes in your life due to increased energy or awakened feelings).
- Remind yourself that we all go through this at some point, you are not alone.
- If you feel significantly depressed, or if you are having any thoughts of hurting or killing yourself, talk with a therapist or your doctor as soon as possible. It is not unusual to develop a clinical depression after being in unrequited love.
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