Unrequited Love or Crush?
Posted By Lonesome Loser on January 3, 2009
This is the first in a series of “discussion questions” intended to provoke a conversation from readers. Please leave comments…
Is unrequited love the same thing as a crush? If so, how are they the same? If not, how are they different?
Personally, I would say they are different, that a crush involves more idealization, less tolerance for disappointing behaviors from the loved one, and perhaps more anxiety, I don’t know…what do you think?
I have never been in love so not sure how I would make a judgement about unrequited love. I have had a crush before – that was pretty painful as it was from afar, so I guess unrequited love is the ‘contents’ that follow the ‘introduction’ (crush?)
One thing I am sure off – there is no way that we can make peolpe feel what they wont feel, otherwise it cant be true
Some people feel unrequited love and a crush are pretty much the same thing. I think unrequited love is more realistic in its view of the loved one, and also somehow more intense, or more “whole,” than a crush, I don’t know how else to put it. Definitely, we can’t make people fall in love with us, that’s way there are stories about unrequited lovers and love potions and curses, etc.
I would take back revealing who i was in a second, allowing me to be able to tell him everything was a huge mistake. It was selfish of me and all it has done is brought us both awkwardness and for me at least, pain.
I’ll always love you Sean, im sorry.
Hi John,
I’m sorry to hear you regret showing your feelings. Sounds like maybe this was a same-sex unrequited love? I do think that adds a level of complication to everything, especially with men. I hope you feel less awkward as soon as possible. Thanks for commenting.
I do think there is a big difference between a crush and unrequited love. I think of a crush as superficial – you have wrapped everything you want and dream of in a relationship in a person you don’t even really know yet. At the crush stage, you can’t possibly love the person – you don’t even know who they are – rather you are in love with the idea of that person. As for unrequited love, my experience with it has been timing. In my experience, we have never been able to forget each other – but whenever we have the nerve to get in contact – the timing is not right. He tries to find me in college, but is told by my sister to stay away because I am in a very serious relationship. By the time he tries again – I am engaged and going to be married in 5 months. We meet, and the attraction between us is palpable. I can’t imagine being without him – but lose the nerve and go through with the wedding. I track him down years later to find that he has recently gotten married – although he looked me up before he got married and saw that I was still married so he didn’t contact me. Love unrequited in that whenever one of us is ready to move forward – the other can’t. He said that if things had gone differently, we could have made a good couple it seems. My fear is that I may never know. I feel like I have lost out on my one chance for true passion.
I agree that a crush is more of an idealization of someone and happens whether the other person is aware of it or not. The difference between that and urequited love is when you have exposed your feelings and heart to someone, who you thought had or hope has the same feelings and they tell you that they do not but are happy to be friends. Friends are wonderful but to try to be friends with someone you want to love on a deeper level is excruciating. There is a risk involved in losing that person in your life. I am trying to stay friends with the person whom I have feelings for and it is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do. I want him to be happy and he makes me happy with his humour and his attention by calling very day, but all the attraction is one sided. I fear that now that he is friends with an ex, they will get reacquinted again and form a romantic relationship that will close the door on our friendship in the sense that I wil be left out in the cold. I have cried and cried over this. He doesn’t know.
Here’s the thing: I do believe in love at first sight. It always seems, to an outsider, to develop in the same way a crush would, but it IS different because you suddenly feel great affection and care for that person. It’s like you suddenly would do anything for that person.And just minutes before you fisrt encounter them, you feel as if something is missing even if you are otherwise content with your life.
Don’t get me wrong, I have had a crush before and it’s not as the same as love and I would not dare confuse the two. And I would just like to say that, yes, I am young, I’m only 14, but I can still suffer from a combination of love at first sight and unrequited love.
I do believe they are different…for me it was true deep aching love beginning with the first gaze and a chemical explosion of sort. I wanted all of him…heart, body, soul. Indescribable, I smiled when I thought of him, he feed my soul….and oddly, even tho I could envy his wife now…I’m so happy he has his soul mate as he states…just hope she knows how lucky she is and really really wish it were me.