Can Love Last?
Posted By Lonesome Loser on March 25, 2009
Yes! I have always felt (or hoped, really) that romantic love, including the sexual element, can last a lifetime. But the general message from society has been that it doesn’t last, it is replaced with a deep friendship-type love. Well, I found an article at the American Psychological Association website saying yes, indeed, romantic love can (and should) continue in a long-term relationship. We don’t have to settle for “the next best thing.” People do stay in intense, engaged, sexual love over the course of a long-term relationship. Not all marriages or long-term relationships devolve into affectionate friendships. This article did an analysis of a large number of studies that looked at romantic love over time, and concluded that
- romantic love (defined by high levels of intensity, engagement, sexual attraction) can last over time
- ongoing romantic love (but not anxiety-ridden obsession) is associated with greater marital/relationship satisfaction, higher self-esteem, and overall well-being.
This study involved a very large number of total participants (meaning the results can be discussed with more confidence).
So, we can expect romantic and sexual attraction to last over time. Many marriages and long-term relationships will settle on friendship over time, but we don’t have to accept that as an inevitability. Romantics aren’t by definition immature, unrealistic, or whimsical. So don’t let people tell you that you’re looking for something that just isn’t there, or are idealizing a set of emotions that aren’t sustainable. Romantic love can last a lifetime, and is associated with being a happier, healthier person.
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