I have carried a torch for this man for two years and we’re both on our own with children and it seemed that we got on well and were compatible. He recently helped me with an employment problem and pulled out all the stops. We have had a lot of deep conversations and I found myself revealing things to him that only my closest girlfriends know and I felt he had reciprocated similarly and had noticed how he was asking me things like where I’d like to live and using “we” in conversations so I thought he might regard me in a romantic way but might be shy because I am a bit of a force of nature.

Anyway I decided to disclose my feelings asking him if there was ever a chance we could be more than friends because I liked, respected and admired him as a person and thought he was the real deal, genuine and without artifice. He replied that he had been told he was terrible at relationships and asked what form of commitment I was looking for to which I replied I wasn’t looking to get married but if together would expect him to be faithful to me which he said would be fine by him and that he wanted to go home and think about it and to call him in an hour and also come up for dinner the following weekend which I said yes to. I phoned him an hour later but rather than speak about my revelation he spoke about other stuff and we ended the conversation with me still in the dark.

Two days later I saw him and he acted as though he had never heard the words but asked me to call him as we needed to do some further work on my work problem. I phoned and we sorted out the work thing and chatted about some other topics but it was late and I knew we’d both need to get to bed so I asked if he had thought about what I had revealed and he said that he didn’t want a relationship as he was bad at them and was selfish so at least I got an answer. I then asked did he still want me to come for dinner at the weekend as things might be awkward and he said, “Well, it’s not as though we’ll be having sex so come over,” which I managed to laugh off but thought the comment was a little sharp.

So now I know what the score is but he still wants to be friends with all the heart to heart talks about life and the universe but I’m going to pull back for my own self preservation after the dinner. I thought about cancelling but then thought it would look petty but it doesn’t mean I have to do the girlfriend type things in the future like the heart to hearts, giving advice re children as his as younger than mine (he said he valued my opinions) or cooking for him as he is not short of friends that can take up the slack in that area as I am not prepared to do girlfriend-type things for someone clearly not interested – he cannot have his cake and eat it too.

Despite everything I’m still glad I disclosed my feelings because I was burning up with liking him, admiration and desire and now I can move forward after a grieving time to someone who wants to be with me and I will make sure that I don’t breach the wall into doing girlfriend-type things for him as he has other friends that can advise and support him.

Bless you LL.

What makes it even worse is that there are a few things that make me think I might at least have a shot if these two roadblocks were taken away. Not trying to be blind, I’ve bounced these off of a very honest and knowledgeable friend and they thought so also.

Though it would tremendously hurt to be rejected, I do understand that the odds of having my feelings reciprocated are infinitesimal. However, I so badly want her to know of my feelings. On top of the hurt, it seems that it would be a real loss and a huge shame for somebody to never know how somebody else felt this way about them.

Specifically, I want her to know she is loved this deeply.