Rabbits or Rapture?
Posted By Lonesome Loser on September 23, 2009
Did you ever go to a magic show when you were younger? You know the rabbit out of the hat trick? The magician stands behind a table covered with a red cloth, an old-fashioned top hat is shown to be empty, then laid upside down on the table. The magician waves his magic wand over the hat, says a few words, and pulls a rabbit out of the hat! Of course, it’s pretty obvious to everyone that the rabbit has been waiting in a box below the tabletop, and has been pulled up through the hat from there. The trick might entertain you, but you know it’s a trick and the mystery is one of suspended disbelief at best.
But there are other kinds of magic shows….like the ones where the magic is truly amazing, and you have no idea how it happens. A deck of cards floating out over the audience, say, or the air sparkling, shimmering to reveal a tiger! These are the kinds of magic shows I prefer.
Romantic love, including unrequited love, may be a magic trick of sorts. The variables may come together in a way that makes it look as if magic has occurred. We can either look closely at the setup, check under the table for the rabbit-box, push through the bottom of the top hat, and go “Oh! So that’s how it fooled me, that’s why I fell in love with this person at this time in my life! I was lonely, he reminded me of the older neighbor I had a crush on, I was ready to get married, she treated me really well, the sexual chemistry is great, we have the same values….” Or, we can choose to see love as a type of mystery, an unknown that if it is a magic trick, it’s so sophisticated and wondrous that we are totally enraptured by its presence. And we go “Oh! What’s happening to me? This is amazing, this makes no sense in my life right now, this is out of nowhere, this is truly cupid’s arrow, this must be god’s plan for me….” I choose to see my love as rapture, not rabbits, even though it’s unrequited.
Yes, it’s rapture for me, too.
I truly believe that you cannot choose who you love. You can choose who you like, who you want to marry, who you want to be with…but true love is magical. It is preternatural.
And it doesn’t happen for everyone. I think that is what makes love so confusing. One thing unrequited love has taught me is that you need to enjoy the fact that you can love whether it is reciprocated or not. My research has shown me that not everyone can love or even understand the concept of limerence.
LL, I really like the way you think and write. It’s comforting. The last few days have been rough for me. Coming to this site and seeing there was a new post was awesome. Thanks.
Adaptation
Hi Adaptation, Thanks for your compliments, it’s really nice to get feedback on the website, how it might be helpful or interesting to others. Yes, I kind of agree with you, you can choose who you like or even love, and choose who you want to marry, but romantic love or limerence does seem preternatural and beyond any kind of conscious control. What research are you referring to? It is the case that not everyone seems to fall in love or limerence, I believe the current stats are that only about half the population seems to do so. Sorry you’re having a rough few days, I know it sort of waxes and wanes.