I just found out he had a girlfriend the whole time. He wanted to cheat on her with me. I feel used. I feel like all that time was wasted on him. If he was willing to do that to her, how can I expect him to care about me?

I never saw him as any more than a friend. And we were good friends, we got along well and had a lot of the same interests, even though he’s nearly twenty years older than me. One day he said he thought I was pretty. Me, being the idiot that I am, thought nothing of it. He made a few more comments like this the next few times I saw him, but none of it meant anything to me. Before you think that it’s creepy, you have to understand that he’s the nicest guy in the world. I’ve had much older guys come onto me before, and it freaked me out. Maybe I just didn’t realise with this guy because he was just so lovely about it all.

Anyway, a few weeks afterwards, he asked me too kiss him. He walked over to the door to make sure no one was there, turned around and just said it. I don’t know how I didn’t see it coming, but I didn’t and I was so shocked I said no without even thinking. I could see that I’d hurt his feelings, he even asked me not to be mad at him. I think he still regrets it.

A few days later, the guilt began to set in and it hasn’t gone away. It’s been nearly a year and a half, and it still hasn’t gone away. I don’t even know if I really love him or I just feel bad, I think it’s a bit of both. I just want to tell him how sorry I am. I know I’ll never get another chance and even if I did, I don’t know if I’d be able to take it. I’m too insecure. I haven’t been able to look at another guy since, and I’m so consumed by the guilt, it’s depressing.

I’ve read ‘guides’ for getting over unrequited love, but nothing helps. They all say ‘accept that they don’t love you, understand why they don’t love you, realise that they’re better off without you, etc.’, but the problem is, he obviously wanted to be with me at some point, he obviously felt something for me at one point, and he’s still awkward around me, so for all I know he could feel the same way. The only conclusion I have been able to come to is that it’s all my fault.

He’s moving next week and I’ll probably never see him again. I know this is unhealthy and it’s probably for my own good, but I just want to be able to tell him how sorry I am for everything. More than anything, I just want to know if he still feels anything at all for me. I’d settle for just being friends again. We’ve barely spoken since then and I miss him.