Thinking about Jessica, and thinking about how stupid it is I’m still thinking about her. Working on understanding she was not interested in me at all.
Well, I finally found her. Through due diligence of internet searching I find her name attached to some guy on a wedding registry site. At first I swear it doesn’t occur to me that could be her, why would she be marrying some guy named {kinda weird name}? Eventually, I work out it really is her, she is marrying this guy, and through some more backchannel surfing (terribly intrusive, I know, but I just can’t seem to help myself 
) I find their wedding registry.I see the picture that is posted, a casual picture of them in a bar or something. They look fairly happy. He looks like a nice guy, good-looking but not so smooth that he seems unavailable. He just gives the overall impression of seeming nice, in a good way, attractive but emotionally available.Then I realize according to the website they actually got married over six months ago. My breath escapes sharply, like I’ve been punched in the gut. I tell myself I knew this was a possibility, a probability even. But still, I somehow feel rocked and betrayed. I know it’s stupid, and I don’t think I’ve been betrayed, but I feel betrayed, like something has been taken away from me. I get off the site, stop looking online for her for several days.
Absolutely thinking about her 95-99% of the time, trying to get my head around her marriage.
